Accounts to Captain Rogers
by lighthouse11
Summary: The Accounts department that pays the Avengers has a few issues with pretty much every member of the team, and as 'boss' of the Avengers, it falls to Steve to fix them. Written after Avengers: Age of Ultron. Rated T for language, just to be safe.


Good morning Captain Rogers,

There are a few matters with which we require your assistance in order to help with the smooth running of accounts department. Whilst we understand that the Avengers are, shall we say, different to the average team, the Internal Revenue Service does not necessarily see it that way. Certain stringent accounting measures need to be followed. If you could please address the following at your earliest possible convenience:

 **1.** Agent Barton. We find that Agent Barton is either much too specific in his timesheet, often including details are not necessary for the accounts department to be aware of, or anyone, for that matter. The following is the main issue that accounts has with his timesheet. Before you ask, yes, it occurs every single day:

 _Thursday._

 _8:50 - 9:07. Usual appointment went a bit longer than usual, but that happens. I also got distracted playing on my phone. I was stuck on level 189 of Candy Crush Soda Saga, but finally got past. Do you play it? It's really addictive._

 _Friday._

 _8:50 - 8:53. Quick session this morning. One-and-done. Nothing like a good hot chilli the night before to get the system in motion._

We do not need to know this, Captain. We do not want to know. Also, Agent Barton allocates at least half an hour every Tuesday afternoon to fill out his timesheet. This tells accounts that either

a). Agent Barton spends much too long filling out his timesheet

or

b). he has nothing better to do on Tuesday afternoons.

Furthermore, he has listed that last week that he and Thor went to lunch from 12:30 until 4. Unfortunately, this is an unacceptably long amount of time spend at lunch. The remainder of the day was listed as follows:

 _4 - ? No idea. Was completely hammered. And by hammered I mean drunk, not beaten up my Mjölnir. I think I was sick at least twice. I also think I was in the Avengers Tower, but you may need to ask Jarvis to confirm. For all I know I was being sick in the Chrysler Building. But I did wake up in my own bed, so at some stage I got home. Oh, and I know we were at lunch until 4, because that's the time dated on the restaurant receipt. Perhaps Thor can fill in the blanks? According to the receipt (don't worry, I've already claimed it as an expense), we drank a whole keg of beer. And by we, I mean mostly Thor. Well, me a bit too, I suppose. I was so hungover. I mean, I haven't been that hungover since I was about 23._

Captain, please inform Agent Barton that timesheets are legal documents that can be checked at by the IRS, and as such we require them to be filled out seriously.

What Agent Barton (and many of the Avengers for that matter) claims as 'expenses' is an email for another day.

 **2.** Regarding Thor:

Does Thor understand the general concept of 24 hour time?

Does he understand the concept of timesheets?

Can he write in English?

Does he know that we need him to fill out his timesheet in English?

If the answer is 'no' to any of the above, we ask that you, Captain, kindly rectify this. We had to get Associate Professor Kurt Fergusson from the Smithsonian in just to translate Thor's timesheets. Although Prof. Fergusson was enthralled by the experience of translating 'brand-new' ancient Norse. The reason it was so enthralling, was that Thor has been documenting the Origins of Time as known to the Asgardian Gods. Prof. Fergusson is practically begging us to give him Thor's timesheets to further analyse, before adding them to the exhibition in the Smithsonian. It is up to you whether you wish to release what are, technically, legal accounting documents.

We also understand that Thor is once again 'off-world'. Kindly direct to which account payment should be made. We have only verbal advise from Thor to 'give it to Jane'. This does not help the accounting process whatsoever. Please assist.

 **3.** We do understand that Mr Stark pays for the Avengers team (as well as the accounts department, and other associated departments). However, this does not mean he can either neglect to hand is his timesheet, or write:

 _a). I pay for this. Who cares what I do?_

 _b). This week I worked 168 hours. Therefore I would like all of the money that I PAY MYSELF._

 _c). This is a waste of paper. I pay for me. And you. Why am I doing this?_

 _d). Apples, milk, coconut oil, cocoa powder, pop-tarts, tinned tomatoes (x3), Japanese-style rice._

Much like Agent Barton, we require Mr Stark to take his timesheets seriously. The IRS requires proper accounting measures to be followed, and will raise questions if proper taxation and payroll accounting procedures have not been followed. Please inform Mr Stark that we require his co-operation in this matter.

 **4.** We are not sure if James Rhodes works here or not. We do have all of his paperwork, but when he submits a timesheet, every day all he lists is 'top-secret War-Machine business'. We are not sure if this is a joke or not. Unless a job it Level 5 or higher, it needs to be listed as we in accounts do have security clearance levels. Please inform us as to whether or not he is supposed to be being paid.

 **5.** The same applies for a Samuel Thomas Wilson. He has submitted a piece of paper with "Timesheet" written in red pen across the top, with the message "Pay up, bitches", followed by his full name, bank account details and social security number. Please advise as to whether or not Mr Wilson is an employee of Stark Industries, Mr Stark personally or the Avengers Team, or if it is some form of threat and should be reported to authorities.

 **6.** We understand that Dr Banner is currently AWOL. Please advise on what you wish to do regarding his back-pay. We also ask if you can write up a timesheet for him for last week.

 **7.** We will require full bank and social security details for Wanda Maximoff if she is to be an employee here. Please have her complete the necessary paperwork at the earliest possible convenience.

 **8.** In all her years of employment, Agent Romanoff has never submitted a single timesheet, despite weekly requests from the accounts department. The closest thing we have of a timesheet for Agent Romanoff is a 2013 Christmas Card. We understand that she has a 'special arrangement' with Miss Potts, ensuring that Agent Romanoff receives a yearly salary with extra benefits and other arrangements, but we really do require a timesheet.

 **9.** We have no issues with the timesheets of yourself or Agent Hill. Please continue to conduct yourselves in your current manner.

We ask that the above matters are addressed as soon as is possible.

If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to ask.

Kind regards,

Accounts Department and Payroll Desk.

 _Note that any information contained within this email may be of a confidential and/or sensitive nature. We ask that the contents of this email is not shared or made public._

 _Please consider the environment before printing this email._

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 **A/N:** Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please favourite and/or leave a comment. Responses are very much appreciated.


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